Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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