I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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