So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
