It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
