I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
