Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
