I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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