worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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