If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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