Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
honey bunches of taint.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
