Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize