youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
