when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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