i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This house was built for laser tag.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize