:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am naked and annoyed.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
