i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
time to smoke my breakfast
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
