i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
