there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
