Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just puked most of my soul out..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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