So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
