I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
