you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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