I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
