in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
