I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
