Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
