Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
