Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
