k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
