you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
