That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
