pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
