i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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