She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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