Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
