I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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