like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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