I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
why is half of my head shaved?
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