Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize