I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
