I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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