Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
