yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
