As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
being pregnant is like rehab
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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