Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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