Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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