guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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