I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
