Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
