Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
