whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
