that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
