eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
