I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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