I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
