my vag is so smooth its legendary
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
