I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
