Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
