Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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