# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So apparently I’m into choking now
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