I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
