There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
