HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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