I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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