Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
