my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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