just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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