Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
