I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
